Goodness Me

A term we often would hear pandered about unjustly would be that of ‘Asian values’. Just what are these values, what place have they in a Westernized society? The vast majority of theories purporting to be the answer we can intuitively know are superficial or plain patronizing.

In our island-nation, we often find ourselves targets for self-reproach, especially regarding issues of courtesy, civic responsibility, even hospitality. We find again and again ourselves to be inferior to other societies in such respect.

Perhaps we might put that down to a difference in values?

It is easy to realize that many Singaporeans drop the word ‘please’ when asking for favours. Relentless campaigns attempt to drum it into us that such little courtesies are important, but we fail to even point it out when our friends commit these errors about us.

Why?

Each of us are intuitively aware that if we were to press for such niceties, we leave ourselves looking at once petty and pretentious in the eyes of our peers. In other words, in correcting others, we made ourselves into the jackass and the nazi.

In other words, we know within each of us that such niceties are not necessities. It is not my task today to discuss the epistemological origins of such values, but rather to talk about the consequences they incur.

Why do we shun the niceties? Because we feel shame if we are to point the lack thereof out in public? Why? Because we do not wish to appear petty and pretentious? Why would we appear so?

I would assert that is because we do not view that anyone has an automatic right to such niceties. Put another way, if one should offer such courtesy it is by his grace and not by your right.

So. Grace. Or graciousness if you will, it is the same by me. Does grace do itself make a demand on us? Ought we not always behave graciously as a virtue?

No. Grace is not virtuous, it is not a virtue, it has no claim on us, it has no claim on morality. A loyal and courageous Nazi may be even more dangerous than a cowardly one, but has greater claim for redemption. A gracious Nazi has no such claim.

A certain British bulldog who famously faced down the Nazis put it thus: “When you aim to destroy a man, it costs nothing to be polite about it.” Just as it suggests we should be courteous even to our enemies, it also raises that courtesy does nothing to change anything.

So we see that politeness, grace, courtesy and the like have no hold over us. It is entirely up to our whim and we cannot ask it from others without being pretentious. Just as one might rightly expect compassion, but cannot expect generosity without being selfish and greedy.

Thus we lay bare an ‘Asian value’. It is hardly compatible with the Western concept of politeness and niceties. They sugarcoat themselves in itand make it into a part of everyday life. Singaporeans however, can hardly be bothered so long as each retains a civil tongue.

Do I take this too far? Some may raise that the Japanese are known for having maintained a high degree of formality and civility. How then may I term this an ‘Asian value’ when here is so glaring a counterexample?

Yet suchan argument would reveal a lack of understanding of the Japanese. While it is correct that the onus is placed on each person to maintain social grace, it is also drummed into them to not expect such treatment in return. They are fully aware that it isnot a right they can demand from others, but a privilege and a sign of respect the gift of which depends solely on the whim of the giver.

It would much mistaken to draw the conclusion that social graciousness is thus a waste of effort. I hope that much is obious to the reader. It is however, important if we are to recognize the reasons why our national campaigns have fared so poorly.

The campaigns feature too heavily that it is ‘right’ to be gracious and polite, something which we intuitively reject as superficial and patronizing. It is not ‘right’, it is merely ‘nice’. The distinction must be made.

A different approach must be made. Because it is merely ‘nice’, the best possible approach may well be a realist one. Simple ideas such as how a simple smile or polite greeting can brighten the day can be more effective than concerning ourselves with whether we are doing the right thing.

Piaroh-Cze:

Sad are those who keep their civil tongues only for the purpose of licking.